So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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