So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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