About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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