You made me cry and you don't even care
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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