There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
