i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
