best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My life is pants optional.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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