franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize