My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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