My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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