Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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