What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
