I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
my liver is dry heaving
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
