He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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