2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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