I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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