Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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