so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
