Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want a musical about memes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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