Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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