Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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