it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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