you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
