Non-Jews are for practice
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
