dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
