so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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