party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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