If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
