I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drake has all the answers
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
