I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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