They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
