Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
