I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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