also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
