she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
