i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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