Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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