I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
