Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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