i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
