It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
