Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
