U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
