he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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