Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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