I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
