There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
