i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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