she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
