no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
