I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
