it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
