I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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