please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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