Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
