dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
