this just has baby written all over it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
