the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
