Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
