somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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