It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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