Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
