I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
