Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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