So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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