i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
