'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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