you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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