Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
