Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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