note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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