I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
