I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
