how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize